Part 3: Applying Boundaries in Real Life—Work, Family, and Friendships

Now that we’ve explored what boundaries are and how to set them, let’s bring it home. In this final part of our series, we’ll explore how to apply boundaries practically in key areas of life: work, family, friendships, and personal growth. 

I’ll also share some real-life examples of how I implement them in my own life and relationships. It is not always pretty.  Remember we discussed that we are responsible for our words – we are not responsible for other’s responses and reactions.

Work

Work demands can stretch us thin. Especially when we have other demands on our time such as children, aging parents, and service activities. Work/life balance is a phrase most of us strive for. Setting boundaries helps protect your peace, productivity, and purpose.

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.”
— Colossians 3:23

Examples of work boundaries:

• Limiting after-hours emails or calls.
• Saying no to excessive workload without guilt.
• Protecting break times or lunch hours.
• Turning down something good, say a promotion, because you have the wisdom to know the added demands it will place upon your home life

Helpful phrases:

• “I’m not available after 6 PM, but I’ll handle that first thing tomorrow.”
• “I need to focus on my current responsibilities before taking on something new.”
• “I can help, but I’ll need more time to do it well.”

I can hear some protests of, “but you don’t understand my boss’s expectation of me. If I don’t do what she asks then I’ll be shunned, out of the loop, overlooked”  Notice in the above examples, there is a yes behind the boundary.  Let’s look at the first helpful phrase.  You are still saying yes to completing the task, AND letting them know when you will complete it.

Family

Family is where boundary-setting can feel the most challenging—and the most necessary.  It is families that often have the most expectations of us. Parents need to hold a boundary on their time, availability, and expectation of compliance. In-laws may have expectations on where you spend Christmas.  Families may feel they have the right to question choices you make about where to live, how to raise children, and your finances. Culture plays a big influence on family expectations as well. 

Jesus modeled this when He stayed focused on His mission, even when His family didn’t understand (Mark 3:31–35). He considered us all his mothers, sisters, and brothers.

“Honor your father and your mother…”
— Exodus 20:12 (but honor does not equal enabling or even still having a relationship with them)

Ephesians 3:1 exhort, “Children to obey your parents…”, notice it does not say ADULT children, obey your parents

Examples of family boundaries:

• Declining toxic or manipulative behavior.
• Deciding what topics are off-limits.
• Setting limits on time spent together or types of help you’ll provide.

Helpful phrases:

• “I love you, but I won’t continue this conversation if it turns disrespectful.”
• “That’s not something I’m comfortable discussing.”
• “This year, we’ll be celebrating the holiday in our own home.”
• “While I appreciate your parenting advice, Julie and I will decide how to best raise our children. I’m grateful you are such an involved grandparent to our children.”
• “I’m willing to help you with minor repairs, but you’ll have to hire a handyman for a big project like this.”

Responses to protest:

• “I’m sorry that this upsets you but I have to do what I think is best for my family”
• “Mom, you seem angry that I won’t complete this home repair project for you. Now that I  (am married, have a family, accepted that promotion), my time on the weekends is limited. I’m happy to help you find a handyman.”
• “Mommy loves spending time with you and I’d have lots of fun playing Lego with you.  I know that you’re really sad that I can’t  right now. When I finish (this chapter in my book, making dinner, writing this email) let’s build that Lego set.”

Empathy can go a long way in deescalating a disappointed person. But the truth is they are responsible for their emotions.  It’s not your job to make them feel better but to recognize their upset and hold to your boundary.

I told you I would share a personal example.  I have a relative by marriage that ceased talking to me or responding to my inquiries. I was confused and not sure at all what happened.  I made 6 attempts to call and text.  It was crickets.  On the 6th message I set the boundary that I would no longer make attempts to contact them.  If they wanted to reach out, my door was always open.  I let them know the relationship is still important but I am unwilling to keep trying to make contact.  After all, they have the problem with me.  It is their responsibility to address it, not mine. It is still not resolved.  It has been difficult. They have caused strain in the family. But I am at peace knowing that as much as it depends on me, I tried to live at peace with them (Romans 12:18).

Friendships

Good friends respect your boundaries; others may test them. Setting boundaries in friendships can prevent resentment and deepen healthy connections.  We can’t be all things to all people. Sometimes we operate from unhealthy beliefs that being a good friend means dropping everything at a moment’s notice to help our friend in need.  While certainly this can happen during a crisis, those are far and few between. Have you ever had a friend that was more of a taker than a giver? They are someone you need to set firm boundaries with.

“Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?”
— Amos 3:3

Examples of friendship boundaries:

• Choosing not to be the constant fixer.
• Declining invites when you need rest.
• Being clear about emotional availability.

Helpful phrases:

• “I care about you, but I’m not in a place to offer advice right now.”
• “I need some space to recharge, can we catch up later this week?”
• “That’s a boundary I’ve set for myself, and I hope you can understand.”

Personal Growth and Spiritual Life

Don’t forget to protect space for your own growth. Jesus often withdrew to quiet places to pray (Luke 5:16). You need time and space to reflect, heal, and grow.

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”
— Proverbs 4:23

Ways to set growth-related boundaries:

• Creating quiet time in your day.
• Limiting inputs that drain or distract (social media, toxic news).
• Saying no to good things so you can say yes to God’s best.

The best way to do the above is to get in the habit of creating margin in your life. Plan for your work time but also plan to create space to allow for stillness and quietness.  Not just leisure, but also time for meditating on God’s word and abiding in him.

Helpful phrases:

• “I’ve committed this time to rest and reflection.”
• “I need to protect my peace right now.”
• “That’s a good opportunity, but it’s not the right fit for this season.”

Final Thoughts

Boundaries are not walls—they’re gates. They let in what’s life-giving and keep out what’s destructive. As you continue this journey, trust that God is for your growth, peace, and maturity.

Keep learning. Keep practicing. Keep growing.

You’re worth protecting.

“The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.”
— Psalm 16:6

If this 3 part boundary series resonates with you and you would like help on how to take back control over your life, contact me here